Yesterday while Ellie and I went out to take a little walk around the block, we saw the neighbor lady with her twin boys zipping home. Jean rolled down the window and the boys waved enthusiastically at Ellie. Jean's husband was laid off last year from his job, what rocked the neighborhood was that he went on to kill the CEO and the head of HR of his company, ran in exile and then was caught one day later in a nearby gas station. Now he is in jail waiting for prosecution. The victim's family decided not to press death penalty charges, but staying in prison for a long time is unavoidable.
I have not seen Jean much since that incident. Folks on the street said she was of course devastated, left with the twin boys and a 2 year old young baby boy. She was getting a bit of help from friends and neighbors around, but I can't imagine what her days were like. She sent her three boys back to China so she can cope with the new reality alone for a while.
The Jean I saw yesterday was a calm, caring and loving mom. She chased after her twin boys who went on giggling and playing on the street, she wore a nice dress and her hair was nicely done, in a much better shape than mine, who can still hang on to the new mom excuse. She touched Ellie's little feet and amazed as how tiny she is. Through Jean, I saw the true quality of bravery, love and motherhood. Life happens, it is not about what cards you were dealt with, it is about how you play them. Jean, a small built women who I have not spoken with for more than 20 min in the past 5 years, suddenly taught me a valuable lesson, make the best of the worst situation and carry on with one's lives.
9/23/2009
9/19/2009
The unbearable Lightness of Being
I remember reading a novel in college "Unbearable Lightness of Being" where the author challenged the concept of "eternal recurrence" by arguing that each person has only one life to live, and that which occurs in that life, occurs only once and shall never occur again.
I felt I am living that once in a life time life. The past two months have been full of parenting - learn to be a new mom and learn to live with my parents after 20 years being away from them. Yesterday marked the day of my parents departure back to China, they have done SO much for us, Dan described their daily routine as "constantly productive". Dad would get up around 6am every day, stretch in our backyard, write his diary, cook me the sweet rice breakfast at 7am, mom feeds Ellie at the same time to give me a break from coming off the night shift. They will then go on a 3 mile hike with my mom. When they come back around 9am, typically it is lunch preparation, washing long string beans, steaming buns, thaw out the lunch meat...dad would make me a mid morning snack at 10:30. Lunch is always balanced with protein, fat, fiber and hydrate, all of which are critical for milk production. Mom typically takes care of Ellie in the afternoon and gives me all the time in the world to nap, Dad would work around the house, he noticed many things we have never noticed before including which plant has red ant infection and needs to be taken care of. Dad would make light dinner that's healthy, he attributes the fact that folks in the US are more likely overweight to the habit of eating heavy dinners.
I don't know if I can ever be the kind of parents as mom and dad, it is as if they pure the last drop of their heart out for the sake of their children. With Ellie, the daily grinding goes on, Dan and I are figuring out the rhythm that would work for us, details such as cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry, feeding, all become so important that we needed to plan out.
This is once in a life time experience, I can't say I am fully prepared, no matter how much I told myself during pregnancy that I was. Building the confidence takes time and practice, I trust I will grow with Ellie along the way and live the unbearable lightness of being.
I felt I am living that once in a life time life. The past two months have been full of parenting - learn to be a new mom and learn to live with my parents after 20 years being away from them. Yesterday marked the day of my parents departure back to China, they have done SO much for us, Dan described their daily routine as "constantly productive". Dad would get up around 6am every day, stretch in our backyard, write his diary, cook me the sweet rice breakfast at 7am, mom feeds Ellie at the same time to give me a break from coming off the night shift. They will then go on a 3 mile hike with my mom. When they come back around 9am, typically it is lunch preparation, washing long string beans, steaming buns, thaw out the lunch meat...dad would make me a mid morning snack at 10:30. Lunch is always balanced with protein, fat, fiber and hydrate, all of which are critical for milk production. Mom typically takes care of Ellie in the afternoon and gives me all the time in the world to nap, Dad would work around the house, he noticed many things we have never noticed before including which plant has red ant infection and needs to be taken care of. Dad would make light dinner that's healthy, he attributes the fact that folks in the US are more likely overweight to the habit of eating heavy dinners.
I don't know if I can ever be the kind of parents as mom and dad, it is as if they pure the last drop of their heart out for the sake of their children. With Ellie, the daily grinding goes on, Dan and I are figuring out the rhythm that would work for us, details such as cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry, feeding, all become so important that we needed to plan out.
This is once in a life time experience, I can't say I am fully prepared, no matter how much I told myself during pregnancy that I was. Building the confidence takes time and practice, I trust I will grow with Ellie along the way and live the unbearable lightness of being.
9/13/2009
Fenugreek
Doctor said Ellie is not gaining weight as much as he would like, we then went on a mission to solve this problem. Fengureek was the first solution, my milk supply went up at least 50% 24 hours later taking the first two capsules. And as a side effect, I start to smell like maple syrup, not too bad of a side effect I think.
We also changed the way we feed Ellie -we were more encouraging her to sleep while using feeding as a method, now we encourage her to feed as much as she can, whether she would then fall asleep or not. Amazingly (perhaps not so to an experienced mother), she falls asleep much easily now she is full. A true testimony of "man don't like go to bed hungry".
The third measure is we are not sticking to the PDF "Parent Directed Feeding" philosophy as much as we were before, not that we were that strict then, but now, we feed her on demand, even if it has been less than an hour since her last feeding.
I never know I could be so obsessed about milk supply, poop color, diaper weight and size, and courting oz es, but these details are filling up my life and I enjoy it.
Ellie got a TON of gifts from her grandma today. Grandparents drove all the way from Alabama and took a full trunk worth of baby stuff with them - music boxes, baby dulls with big feet and toes, Cinderella blanket, clothes and hair pin that range from 3-6 months to 2 year old....hope Ellie will have good hair to enjoy them soon. And they even brought a set of children's furniture with them - playing table, floor mat, toy refrigerator, cabinet, and books and baby Einstein DVDs. They say one's house will start to explode with stuff as soon as one has a baby, it is so true!
We also changed the way we feed Ellie -we were more encouraging her to sleep while using feeding as a method, now we encourage her to feed as much as she can, whether she would then fall asleep or not. Amazingly (perhaps not so to an experienced mother), she falls asleep much easily now she is full. A true testimony of "man don't like go to bed hungry".
The third measure is we are not sticking to the PDF "Parent Directed Feeding" philosophy as much as we were before, not that we were that strict then, but now, we feed her on demand, even if it has been less than an hour since her last feeding.
I never know I could be so obsessed about milk supply, poop color, diaper weight and size, and courting oz es, but these details are filling up my life and I enjoy it.
Ellie got a TON of gifts from her grandma today. Grandparents drove all the way from Alabama and took a full trunk worth of baby stuff with them - music boxes, baby dulls with big feet and toes, Cinderella blanket, clothes and hair pin that range from 3-6 months to 2 year old....hope Ellie will have good hair to enjoy them soon. And they even brought a set of children's furniture with them - playing table, floor mat, toy refrigerator, cabinet, and books and baby Einstein DVDs. They say one's house will start to explode with stuff as soon as one has a baby, it is so true!
9/06/2009
Everyday
There are no more weekends, Ellie wakes up like a clock between 5 to 6am everyday, rain or shine. And my mother instinct keeps me alert at the slightest drop of her sound. Grandma has been great and taken care of Ellie quite a bit during the day, changing diapers and keep her entertained with the Baby Einstein and many other toys.
Ellie made her first drop of tear today, during the feeding when I took the bottle away when apparently she was still quite fund of it. The tear came out the corner of her right eye and we proudly showed it to daddy, grandma and grandpa. Quite a milestone.
We went to Denny's for brunch yesterday, and it was Ellie's first restaurant trip, she enjoyed it by sleeping through the whole experience, by the window watching over the whole family downing the moon over my hammy. We then drove out to the Don Edward National Wildlife refuge and Ellie saw thousands of seagulls, ducks and many other birds i can't name. There was quite strong wind and grandma said Ellie will be a strong girl that she is already enjoying a good day with the nature on her 20th day into the world.
Everyday life is ordinary but extraordinarily rich in offering me perspectives that I have no slightest appreciation before. Is life more about the process than the destiny? With Ellie, I start to question...
Ellie made her first drop of tear today, during the feeding when I took the bottle away when apparently she was still quite fund of it. The tear came out the corner of her right eye and we proudly showed it to daddy, grandma and grandpa. Quite a milestone.
We went to Denny's for brunch yesterday, and it was Ellie's first restaurant trip, she enjoyed it by sleeping through the whole experience, by the window watching over the whole family downing the moon over my hammy. We then drove out to the Don Edward National Wildlife refuge and Ellie saw thousands of seagulls, ducks and many other birds i can't name. There was quite strong wind and grandma said Ellie will be a strong girl that she is already enjoying a good day with the nature on her 20th day into the world.
Everyday life is ordinary but extraordinarily rich in offering me perspectives that I have no slightest appreciation before. Is life more about the process than the destiny? With Ellie, I start to question...
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